She Will Be Loved
by rachel2502
Summary: Naley.. How does it feel to always be waiting? To always be apart? How does it feel to always know that you would never come back? I loved you. I will always love you. And that is why you must always leave.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Haley James. And I'm ninety three years, seven months and three days old.

I think about it a lot. Those ninety some years. I think about it more than I need to. And as I sit tiredly in my armchair staring out at the window, I think about him. More than I ever wanted to. And as always, I am reminded of how life is full of beauty; amazing beauty that comes in the form of perfectly shaped blue eyes that have haunted me for nearly a century.

I closed my own eyes.

And I am lost in the memory of his.

IFIWFWINRIFNWINFOWNRFN

I am eighteen years old today. I am beautiful, they tell me. My copper hair hangs curly over my shoulder and my face is perfectly sculpted. I don't care about looks. I don't care about anything really. I have the arrogance of the youth; everybody loved me.

"Darling" Lydia James hugged me. "Happy birthday!"

I smiled at everyone present as they sang for me. They were amongst the richest, most successful people in the country. The women dripped with jewellery, the men with mistresses. My friends were all present and they hugged me warmly, their eyes reflecting their love for me.

Dinner commenced in the huge dining room of our mansion. I ate quietly watching the chandelier sparkle with the bright light reflecting of the cool glass. Conversation was stilted; I myself had no idea what to say to anybody. My parents were oozing charm as they flitted from table to table playing the part of the perfect host just like they played the part of the perfect family.

I waited until everyone was absorbed in their meal. Then I stood up.

"Where are you going, Haley?" Peyton asked me concerned.

I just smiled.

He was waiting for me outside the house, in the garden. He was hiding in the shadows so that even if someone from the upstairs window was to look up, they would never see him.

He entered into the narrow sliver of light when he saw me approach. I sucked in my breath at his perfect face. He arched an eyebrow and smirked at me.

"Happy birthday" Nathan acknowledged in his deep voice.

"Thank you" I said casually.

He jerked his head behind me. "Nice party."

I didn't know if he was being sarcastic or sincere. "I didn't ask for it" I defended.

He nodded. "Doesn't seem like you."

"My parents thought it was ideal given that I am legally an adult as of today."

"Are you now?" he asked, amused.

"Yes. I am my own keeper now" I said defensively as always when he made fun of me.

"So, if I were to ask you right now" he said carefully. "To come for a ride with me, you'd be able to decide for yourself?"

"A ride?"

"Horseback" he assured me.

"Now?" it was late.

"Right now."

"My parents would kill me."

"They would kill you if they knew we were friends."

I cringed at the 'friends' word he was so keen on using. Sure, we were friends. We'd been friends all my life ever since his mother came to work as a maid for my parents. He'd been the one to help me with my schoolwork and I'd in turn sneak out books for him to read. Friends; I hated that word.

"I don't know" I looked behind me just in case anyone was sneaking up on us.

"I thought you were your own keeper."

I scowled at him. "Lead the way, Scott."

He grinned, completely sure that I would not have been able to say 'no' to him. I hated his confidence that I would do anything for him. But he knew me well.

Getting the horses were easy; my parents owned a huge stable. We went riding on my grounds, towards the moors. Side saddle for me; I was wearing a dress. He helped me mount the horse but other than that, we were silent the whole way.

"Are you cold?" he finally asked.

"No."

"I have to tell you something, Haley."

Something about his voice made me shiver. I waited in anticipation.

"I'm leaving tomorrow."

"What?"

"I'm going off to school" he said as gently as he could.

"I...But....what?" I demanded again.

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. "I told you about this last week."

"You said maybe. You said maybe! There's a big difference!"

"I'm sorry" he said sincerely.

I was being a pain but I couldn't imagine not seeing him every day. In my mind was a perfect plan in which I would make myself indispensable to him. But there was no enough time for me to make him fall in love with me. I didn't even know how he felt about me. There was no time!

"For what? It's a good thing. Congratulations" I said quietly.

"I'm sorry for leaving you."

I nodded.

And just like that, I turned my horse around and rode home.

He didn't follow me.

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I am twenty three years old.

I am working as a volunteer nurse in a hospital in town. Daddy was angry that I was wasting my time like this but with the war, I could not do anything else but help. He knew I would eventually return back to his business but now, all I treated wounded soldiers by day and stayed alone in a flat nearby at night.

Peyton whistled next to me. "Gorgeous boy alert" she murmured.

I didn't look up from the chart I was holding. Sometimes I think she worked with me just to get close to all the men instead of really helping.

"He's staring right at you" she said.

I pretended not to hear her. She knew I didn't date. So much so that she asked me outright if there was something wrong with me. But I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell her that my heart had vanished five years ago on my eighteen birthday along with my beautiful bright eyed boy. His mother had already quit her job and there was no way for me to reach him. He hadn't bothered to look for me either though I was traceable.

It didn't hurt so much now. But I would never allow to feel that kind of pain again.

"Nice eyes" Peyton appreciated.

I finally looked up.

And remained motionless as my mouth dropped open.

He grinned and walked over to me, his arm in a sling. He stood in front of me, his perfect face beautiful to me and I never really truly appreciated it until now.

"Hello" he smirked.

I gaped at him. Peyton excused herself next to me. She must have known there was something going on with us.

"It's been a while" he was enjoying this.

I nodded wordlessly.

"You look good" his eyes burning into mine.

"You look perfect" I blurted out before I could think about it.

He laughed. "Not so much" he lifted his arm up. "I broke it."

"How long have you been here?"

"Since yesterday."

"You were injured in the war?"

"Yes. I'm a soldier. I plan on heading back to my base once I'm done here."

"What a coincidence seeing you again" I said calmly.

"Maybe" he smirked. "Maybe not."

As he gave me that same look, I was instantly reminded of how just the day before, I had cried myself to sleep over him. I was sudden furious at him.

"I should go" I said curtly.

He nodded and let me leave. For the second time.

I watched him all the time. He made no attempt to speak to me and I followed his lead. He was recovering well and soon he would be out of the hospital. I waited for that day where I would not have to run to the bathroom, tears pouring endlessly from my eyes at the sight of him.

How dare him! How could he; after all this time! How could he not care about me after all the years we were friends! How could he not feel this way?

I knew the exact day he would be discharged. They peeled of his cast and he signed off. I thought of what would once he returned to the war. What would happen if he died? What would I do? Would I even hear about it?

I saw him leave.

And I thought I would rather be the one to die.

I left the hospital.

"Hello again" a deep voice called out from the shadows. I jumped out of my skin.

"You idiot!" I hissed unable to control my pounding heart. "You scared the hell out of me!"

"My plan all along" he smirked.

"What do you want?" I said tiredly.

"I was wondering if I could buy you dinner."

"I don't eat."

"A drink then?"

"I'm not thirsty."

"Look, Haley. I'm trying here."

"Why now? Why not five years ago?"

He cocked an eyebrow. "Have dinner with me and you'll find out."

"I don't care enough to endure your company."

"I'm fighting for your freedom here. The least you could do is let me buy you a drink."

He was reminding me of his role in the war. "When are you leaving?"

"In two weeks."

I made an irritated sound. "One drink."

He knew I couldn't say no to him.

He took me to a bar down the road. It was filled with soldiers keen on partying the night away and willing girls. We sat at the bar, quietly as he ordered for us. I drank slowly not wanting to leave.

"So?"

"So" I echoed.

"I am sorry."

"For what? Leaving or coming back?"

"Whichever hurt you more."

"Coming back then."

"I should have called you."

"Yes."

"But I never planned to."

"Doesn't matter now" I shrugged.

"Doesn't it?"

"We can't really change anything."

"I'd like to" he said quietly.

"No, you don't."

"You don't know me as well as you used to."

"Maybe I know you better."

"Maybe" he smirked.

"I should go" I said standing up. He stood up as well and we walked out of the pub.

"Where do you live?"

"Corner of Ninety Third and Fifth."

He whistled. "Long walk."

"Yes" though I wasn't sure why he cared.

"Let's go then" he started walking.

"Wait, what?"

"You didn't think I was going to let you go alone, did you?" he asked.

I hesitated. "I'd rather go alone."

"Why?" he looked confused.

I didn't say anything. I just stomped past him. He grabbed my arm. "Why?" he asked again baffled.

I pulled my arm from his grip. "Five years, Nathan, is a very long time. A phone call, just one to let me know you're still alive wouldn't have taken a minute."

"I know that."

"Why didn't you call?" I demanded.

He shrugged. I walked off.

"Wait, come on Hales. Don't be like that" he said keeping up with me easily.

"I had a drink with you. Now just leave me alone!"

"I can't. I tried to but I admit defeat."

"Do you think this is funny?" I raged at him. "You were my best friend! How could you just leave me like that? Don't you have any idea how much it hurt when you left?"

"It would have hurt more if I stayed."

"Go to hell, Nathan."

His face softened. "I've been there. I've been there and came back. And I'd have to go again."

"Well, you'd fit in perfectly there" I tried not to cry at the thought of him in the war.

"Can I see you again?"

"No. It wouldn't be very good for me."

"I guess not" he dropped my arm.

I walked a few paces away. "Why won't you fight for me?" I shouted at him as I turned around.

He looked taken aback. "Fight for you?"

"Yes. You wouldn't even have to try hard. All it would have taken was one phone call! Would that have been so hard?"

"Yes."

"What?" I snapped.

"It would have been hard."

I made an annoyed sound. "Bye Nathan."

"Goodbye Haley."

He let me walk away. As soon as I was out of his sight, I started to run.

And run and run until I left him behind me.

I woke up the next day with a headache. I looked awful; I knew it. But I couldn't seem to make myself care.

I walked down the stairs from my flat and nearly tripped in my haste to get out of the lonely apartment.

Someone grabbed my arm and held me for support. "You okay?" Nathan asked me concerned.

I waited until I was stable. "Yes" I said gruffly.

He was here! Unbelievable! He was actually here!

"I bought you coffee" he handed me a bag. "And there's a bagel and a muffin in there for you."

"Just the coffee."

He looked a little put out but then he smirked. "You should get something to eat. You're too thin."

"And you're annoying. But I didn't have to say it, did I?"

"Why not? You should be honest with me. We are best friends" he laughed.

"I'm late for work."

"I'll walk you there."

I didn't say anything as he chattered on. He was in a good mood, whistling as he grabbed my hand when we crossed the streets. I didn't flinch but his warmth sped up my hand like a current. I tried to ignore him but he kept asking me questions about my life, my family, my work.

"So what do you do on off days?" he asked interestedly.

"I go home to see my parents."

"What else?"

I shrugged.

"Don't you have a social life, Hales?" I cringed at my pet name.

"Not so much."

"Why not?"

"I don't like crowds so much."

He laughed. "You haven't changed much, have you?"

"Neither have you. I was hoping you did."

He raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you'd become a jerk. I wanted you to be" I explained calmly.

"Why?"

"Because it would have explained your lack of interest in me. It would have explained why you never bothered keeping in touch" I shrugged like I didn't care.

"You think I didn't keep in touch with you because I didn't care?" he asked in a strange voice.

I nodded.

He looked angry but he just frowned. "This is you" he stopped in front of the hospital.

I didn't want to say goodbye, especially now when he was mad at me. For what reason, I don't know. But still.... he could leave me so easily.

I hesitated then kissed his cheek. His face softened. "Take the food, Haley" he said firmly. "I don't want you passing out on your shift."

"Okay. I'll pass out right after then."

He didn't smile. He just looked at me. And after a while, he turned and walked away. My beautiful stranger.

I knew he was waiting for me at the end of the day again. But I was still surprised when I found him in the same place as yesterday.

"Hello stranger" I greeted as he walked towards me.

"Haley" he nodded.

"I'm not hungry in case you're offering dinner."

He scoffed. "You think I'm going to ask you again after the amount of times you protested last night?"

I blushed; I shouldn't have assumed.

He shook his head. "I'm taking you dancing instead" he grabbed my hand.

And for once he didn't let go.

We went dancing and then after we went for a long walk until it was past midnight and he had to carry me up the stairs to my flat. I was half asleep but I could still feel his strong arms beneath me. Holding me, carrying me. He opened my door and carried me into my bedroom. I tried to remember if the place was in a mess but weird thoughts were entering my mind. Like if the tooth fairy really existed and why the world didn't spin in the opposite direction?

"There you go" he whispered as he lowered me to my bed.

I mumbled thanks, too exhausted to answer. I didn't hear him leave but in my unconscious state, he could have easily left.

"Haley" his deep voice softer than usual.

I didn't answer; he wasn't calling my name. He was acknowledging my presence. That I was finally here after so many years.

I kept my eyes closed.

And he walked away.

It has been two weeks.

He was leaving tomorrow.

Today was ours. As the last two weeks had been. We were closer than ever, best friends once again. But he still hadn't told me why he never bothered to keep in touch. Just like I didn't ask.

I waited for him to say something to me. All through dinner, I watched him. Waiting.

"Would you do me a favour?" I asked quietly unable to stand the growing tension between us.

He looked up at me.

"Don't" I pleaded slowly. "Please. Don't get hurt."

He stared at me for a while. Then he nodded.

"Will you do me one then?" he twirled a strand of my hair in his finger. "Come to the train station tomorrow with me."

I agreed.

He held my hand as he walked me home. I wondered if it was a gesture of friendship to him. Then I wondered if I would ever see him again. Then I wondered why God had allowed me to love such a man.

It was raining of course the next day. I was glad; I could cry shamelessly this way and nobody would see.

He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me to his chest. Trying to keep me warm. My teeth chattered.

He kissed the top of my forehead. I was surprised. I looked up at him to see him looking back at me.

"I love you" he whispered. "I've always loved you. I will always love you."

Somehow I knew it. Even if he had never shown it, I had always known it. His head tilted downwards and our lips met. And even if I had been dreaming of this moment for more than a decade, it surpassed my wildest imagination. His lips were fire, intense, loving on mine and we were created to fit each other. I loved him. I would always love him.

"Will I ever see you again?" I shouted as he stepped onto the train.

His eyes burned into mine.

But he didn't answer.

And this time, as I watched him leave me...as I watched the train speed past me....I had no answers myself.

OWRFUWFUBWEUORFBUEBWFUBFUBUW

Ninety three years old is somewhat of an achievement.

My children were loving, patient, successful. They had done well. I could hear my son downstairs talking to his wife. Even they were old. I laughed to myself, enjoying a private joke as I thought about how life works out the way we least expected it.

My great grandchildren ran into the room. The oldest were teenagers, the youngest were still small. My youngest climbed onto my lap and picked up the old photograph I had been staring at.

"Who is this?" she demanded.

I looked at the black and white picture. "That's me when I was a young bride" I smiled at the memory.

"You're beautiful, Grams."

"How old were you?" another one asked curiously.

Not old. Young. I was young. Too young some said.

"Grams?" my great grandson asked me. He looked at me with his trusting blue eyes. The colour of it amazed me. So blue, bright like the sky.

I didn't answer.

In my head, I was looking at another face.

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I am thirty years old today.

I am getting married.

My wedding day. Amazing that I am finally here. I'm proving everyone wrong; they said I would never have gotten married. I was too restless, too independent. They were wrong. I needed one person more than anyone ever before.

I looked at myself in the mirror, smiling at my white dress. It was strapless, cut tightly into my figure and a gorgeous veil covered my face. I lifted it up.

"Beautiful" Lydia clasped her hands.

"He's a lucky one" my aunt, Karen agreed.

"Very" my cousin, Brooke smiled. She was beautiful in her bridesmaid dress.

"Tell me again of the story of how you met" Peyton asked, fanning herself. She was very pregnant; we had to let out the dress for her just last week. We all sighed in relief when we managed to button her up.

I smiled. "It was a few years ago. I was twenty six and he was Daddy's business partner's son. He saw me in the conference room and claimed he fell for me the same second..." I trailed off at the thought of my handsome fiancée, Lucas waiting for me in the next room. Did all brides feel this flustered and unsure on their special day? Surely they do. I mean what made me different? Stupid question.

I knew what.

"Half an hour more darling" my mother looked at her watch.

I nodded. "I'm sorry but do you think I could have a few minutes alone?"

They left the room. I stared at my reflection, and someone else stared back at me.

"You're doing the right thing" I said to my unrecognizable face. Too much makeup had filled it.

Stupid. What on Earth had brought me here? Why am I even doing this?

I knew why.

Loneliness.

I was trying to fill the void in my heart that Nathan Scott had left.

He was dead, I was sure of that. I was sure that he died in the war and that was why he had never bothered to contact me. Never wrote except for the first few letters. The first few letters that I still kept on my bedside table and read every single night before I went to sleep. I had every line memorized but there was something about holding the papers he had touched that thrilled me.

And I had to move on.

Even if I could never let go.

I looked up at the sky each night and told the stars that I loved him.

And they believed me.

Someone knocked on my door. "Give me a minute" I called out.

I looked at my mirror and told myself I loved Lucas. And I did. He was everything everyone expected me to want. He was perfect. He was hopelessly in love with me.

I adjusted my dress and walked to the door.

I opened it.

Nathan Scott looked at me intensely with his bright blue eyes.

I gasped; he rushed into the room and closed the door behind him. In one move, he had pulled me to him and was kissing me fiercely on the mouth. Almost like he knew I thought he was dead. Almost like he was trying to prove to me that he was very much alive.

I couldn't help it. It had been years...So long and I still loved him.

I loved him.

Oh God, how I loved him.

I kissed him back, holding on to him tightly almost like he would disappear if I didn't.

Another knock broke us apart.

I swallowed. "Who's there?" my voice came out breathless.

"Brooke. Haley, we've got another fifteen minutes and I still have to do my hair. Let me in!" she said urgently.

I looked at Nathan. "I'll go" he whispered.

"No" I grabbed his arm. "No! Don't go."

"Come with me" he asked.

"Haley!" Brooke yelled.

"What?" I asked Nathan quietly.

"Come with me" he whispered, looking into my eyes for my love.

Brooke pounded on the door.

"I have to let her in" I told him.

"I'll be at the lake outside by the fence" he said. "If you're not there within an hour, I'll leave. And never bother you again" he promised.

Liar. He will. He'd always bother me even if he was out of sight.

"How will you go?" I asked as he walked to the other end of the room. He answered by pulling open the window and sticking half his body out.

"We're on the second story" I informed.

He laughed quietly and turned around to face me. "Have faith in me, Hales" and we weren't talking about his jumping down anymore.

I nodded as he disappeared from sight.

Brooke entered the room not a second too soon. I went to stand by the window, staring down at the front lawn of Lucas's house. I was looking for him but for once I knew he was really there.

Not dead.

Alive.

He was alive.

We had never been more than a few thousand miles apart; we had slept underneath the same stars. Alive.

"I just saw Lucas" Brooke informed. "And I have to say I think you're the lucky one" she whistled.

Lucas.....

Lucas Lucas Lucas.

My fiancée.

He had never left me before; had always been there. He loved me. He had never ever hurt me.

Lucas... Lucas.

I loved him. Maybe not the way I was supposed to. But I loved him.

Nathan.

I looked at Brooke and then at the front lawn.

"I have to go" I said abruptly.

Brooke looked surprised. "Where are you going?"

"I just need a minute; fresh air" I said as I grabbed a pair of slippers and hastily switched them with my white crystal shoes.

"You're going to ruin your dress" she said uncaringly.

Ruin your dress? My dress.... It always seemed like she was saying 'you're going to ruin your life'.

My life was not mine to ruin anymore.

I found him exactly where he said he would be. He didn't look surprise to see me; I always said yes to him after all.

We stood apart for a few minutes; his face was blank but the corners of his mouth lifted up slightly.

"How dare you!" I yelled. "How dare you come in here out of nowhere and ruin everything for me!" the words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

His eyes widened.

"Where were you? Where were you for so many years?" I screamed in rage. "I loved you; I loved you for so long! I waited every night for you. I thought you were dead but still I waited! If you had come even a day sooner, I would have said yes without a question. But you come on the exact day that I stopped waiting! How dare you!" I took a step forward and slapped him hard.

He didn't say anything as I stood breathing hard. My hair was all over the place and I looked a mess. I had to remember to brush it again just before I walked down the aisle.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly.

"You're _sorry_?" I shrieked.

"Yes. I'm sorry."

I fumed. "It doesn't change anything."

"No, it doesn't" he admitted.

No; he can't agree with me. He has to fight for me! He had to!

"I want to know why" I demanded. "Why didn't you ...want me anymore? Was I....a fling to you?"

He looked up at me for a long while. "No."

"Didn't I....matter?"

"You mattered the world to me."

"Liar" I snarled.

"Do you really want to know, Hales?" he said suddenly angry. "Why I never tried to find you? Do you really want to know after all this time? Would it change anything?"

I didn't know the answer so I kept quiet.

"You are too good for me."

I sucked in my breath, stared wordlessly at him.

"Your parents would never have allowed it; your family is rich, powerful, successful. And mine are poor servants. If I had been allowed to love you, you would have turned your back on them. And you would always hate me for taking away the world from you."

"Then why come back now?"

"I can't take it anymore. It's too hard for me to see you belong to someone else. Even if it's stupid, I can't let you marry him without knowing how I really feel about you."

I didn't say anything for a while. "You stupid inconsiderate jerk!" I raised my hand again but stopped just in time. "How dare you! How dare you put this on me! I loved you! I didn't care about anything but you!"

"Then change your mind" he urged. "Pick me! If I'm the one for you, then come with me!"

"I can't! You've never been there for me!"

"I'm here for you now" he said loudly.

"No!" I shouted. "He....Lucas....He is here for me! He will always be here for me! And you will always leave me!"

He narrowed his eyes. "Give me a chance."

"No."

"Haley..."

"No, Nathan. I gave you thirty years of my life. That was your chance."

"I promise..."

"I hate you, Nathan."

His face was calm like he hadn't heard me. I wondered if he believed me.

"I hate you! You ruined everything for me" I raised my hand and slapped him again. He took the blow without flinching. I hated that calm blank look on his face. I hated him!

I hit him again and again with more force each time. I wanted to make him bleed! Make him suffer for what he had done to me! "I hate you" I cried out each time I hit him.

His eyes were sad. He just let me punch him repeatedly holding his arms out so I got a better aim. I hit him until I was exhausted, crying and raging at the same time. I stopped and sagged forward. He held his arms out and held me against his hard chest.

"I love you" he said.

And then he let me leave him.

Brooke was annoyed when I walked in messy, my dress stained. She nearly had a heart attack. But within minutes, as everyone fussed over me, I was perfect again. Amazing; I didn't know how they did it. I was numb the whole time. Not paying any attention.

I walked slowly out of the room, my head held high.

"It's okay, love" Lydia whispered. "Everyone gets cold feet."

I looked at her and wondered if I could just die right then.

Lucas was handsome and proud, waiting for me. My father handed me away. I stared at Lucas's face, his eyes bright blue yet dim to me. His face was lovely but I would never be able to get used to it. Even if I woke up every morning staring at it, I would never be able to get used to it.

He lifted up my veil.

_I love you _he mouthed as he smiled at me.

I smiled back.

"Will you Lucas Roe take Haley James to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

_I am six years old and Nathan is holding my hand as we race across the grounds, laughing as we hide from our mothers. He looks at me and winks because we are hiding a secret and no one else is here to spoil our moment._

"I do."

_I am nine years old and I didn't get the birthday present I wanted. A doll house. I stormed out of the house and Nathan was waiting for me. He listens patiently with a smirk on his lips as he drags me to our spot. Waiting for me is the loveliest wooden dollhouse I had ever seen. I stare at him and he nudges me towards it. "Do you like it?" he asks. He built it for me. He's built me a dollhouse._

"Will you Haley James take Lucas Roe to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

_I am fifteen years old and I am in love with Nathan Scott. He is so tall and handsome; all my friends are in love with him too. But I can see beyond that. His eyes hide an amazing man and when he takes the world seriously, it lies at his feet, waiting to be used. Despite his circumstances, he will be a great man. His name will be splashed out in newspapers and everyone will say that he is the "Great Scott" and I will smile because I knew him._

I look at Lucas. He is waiting for my answer. Everyone is waiting for my answer. Even I am waiting.

Lucas smiles lovingly at me. I can feel his hands on mine, holding me tight.

_I am twenty years old and still I wait for Nathan. He had been gone for two years. I wonder why he has never called. A part of me always thought he was in love with me too. But I am naive. Nathan is a man. And still I remain a child._

I look at Lydia and Jimmy James, my parents. They are holding their breaths. They are the only ones in the room who look nervous. Do they know... Does anybody know that my heart belongs somewhere else?

_I am twenty three years old and I walk every day to the post office. Waiting for my mail. Waiting for the one sentence on a piece of paper that has travelled thousands of miles to bring me a small degree of comfort. I love you, Haley. Because he did. Because he was mine. Because he would always be mine._

Someone opens the back of the church door. There is no sound but my head whips to the back of the church.

Nathan Scott doesn't say anything. He just stands in the shadows as he watches me leave him. I can't see his face but I knew exactly how it looks like. I'd seen it all my life.

If I just let go of Lucas's hands, if I just let go of everything....I could turn around.... I could take a step forward....and then another.... and run.... and pretty soon, I would be in his arms....

If I could just walk towards him, I would be with him.

I could be with him.

Peyton clears her throat behind me. I suddenly remember that she knows Nathan.

"Make your choice, girl" she whispered into my ear.

I look at Nathan.

_I am thirty years old.... and I will always love you._

"Yes" I answer. "I do."


	2. Chapter 2

I am ninety three years old.

Sometimes I'm not sure if I really am that old. I close my eyes and see everyone's faces clearly in my mind. I can hear well and move easily. My bones do not tire and my feet do not ache. I am young though I am old.

But sometimes, I can barely get out of bed. I am so sore that the world spins before my very eyes. I wait for the dizziness to pass. Sometimes, I know without a doubt that I will die soon. And I think of my very near escapes with death over the years.

IEAPAGENRPIGFNQIGNFINNRWUN

I am thirty five years old today.

And a man is pointing a gun to my forehead.

"Let them be" I said hoarsely. "They don't matter to you."

He smiles. His name is Jimmy. My father's name. Only my father is outside praying for my survival, with my mother and husband, Lucas. My children are crying for me. I wonder if they have been fed today. My youngest is barely two months old.

I am in my mansion. Jimmy in front of me has very cleverly picked the locks, dismantled the security system and sneaked into the house. Only now he has to know the combination of the safe and he can be on his merry way home.

That was where I came in.

Why me and not Lucas, I didn't know. But I was grateful for that; so relieved. He was safe; my loving husband, the darling father of my children. He was safe.

And if I died today, so be it.

Death wasn't as hard as it claimed to be. I had died before.

But there was something wrong.

I didn't know the combination of the safe.

Lucas had tried to protect me; there were millions and millions of dollars inside it. He was trying to save me from this situation I was now in.

"Let them go!" I pleaded with Jimmy. I was referring to our staff; the servants, the maids, the butler. Everyone else that had been in the house with me.

"Give me the combination" he raged.

"Only if you let them go" I said firmly.

"No."

I was adamant.

He pulled one of the girls to him. He aimed the gun to her head. "Give me the combination" he said again.

I think I was scared. Deep down, I'm sure I was scared. Way deep down.

But I didn't feel it.

Like I didn't feel so many things.

I laughed, had fun, made jokes, giggled for no reason just like everyone else. I cried, was angry, scolded my children, fought with my husband just like everyone else. I was completely normal. There was nothing to distinguish me from everyone else. I was normal.

But sometimes, I stared out the window for longer than necessary. Sometimes, I looked up at the sky and tried to find a shade of blue I had long since lost. And I took long walks in the rain. Sometimes, I sat at the breakfast table and wondered what my children would like with dark hair and blue eyes.

It made me feel guilty.

But I knew I would never see him again.

So I didn't care so much.

So staring at Jimmy as he threatened to kill my maid...Yes, it made me nervous but scared?

I wasn't afraid.

I would save her. I would save all of them.

"Let her go" I said calmly.

"I want the money! And I want it now!"

"You will get it. Just let her go" I said slowly.

"Liar" he hissed.

I smiled.

I'd use that word before.

The TV was on and news of our hostage situation was playing. I was impressed. It had been going on all day. Everyone who knew me knew I was about to die. Or live. Either way, they would know.

I looked at Jimmy. "Put her down" I told him.

"No."

I pretended to rummage in my bag. Then I lifted up my leg and caught him between his. He doubled back in pain and let her go. She screamed and ran through the door. A spray of bullets splashed out behind her but she was unharmed. Jimmy grabbed me.

"I'll ask you one last time" he hissed. "What's the combination?"

He aimed the muzzle for my neck. I could feel my blood pounding through my neck. From my heart, raging at me because it would spill soon.

He cocked the gun.

I took a deep breath.

Everyone gasped.

He eased pressure on the trigger.

Death was blissful; Nathan's face was in my vision. I could see him perfectly almost like he was standing right in front of me. He looked so angry; odd. In my dreams, he was always smiling.

I blinked.

And he rushed at me. His face was violent and faster than the naked eye could see, he threw his fist forward.

I screamed as the vision in front of me cleared up. Nathan and Jimmy were fighting or Nathan was punching him repeatedly on the face and Jimmy was struggling for his gun.

I stood shell shocked for a long moment.

Then I jumped forward.

I tried to do whatever I could do hurt Jimmy. I was suddenly very afraid. Terrified because him getting hurt was a fate far worse than me dying. I scraped my nails against Jimmy's face and shoved him, kicking punching. Everyone in the room was scrambling for safety.

Nathan threw a last punch at Jimmy.

I watched as Jimmy fell straight back.

He was holding the gun, I realized. And there was a huge deafening roar when he pulled the trigger.

"No!" I screamed.

I looked over at Nathan and sighed in relief. He was fine, completely fine. Unharmed. He grabbed the gun from Jimmy's still figure and threw it across the room.

I gasped .I heard a low chuckle and with wide eyes, I looked up to face Nathan.

His face...his beautiful face.....How long has it been? His strong jaw...high cheekbones....and those eyes....

He smiled at me. Then he offered me his hand.

I cocked my head to the side, confused.

He stiffened. "I'll just make sure you're safe before I leave."

Again, I thought. Before he left again.

"Safe?" the word was foreign to me.

"Safe" he smiled wryly. "You didn't think I'd leave you now, did you?"

"But..." I looked down at Jimmy. "It's over?" I whispered.

"Yes."

"I'm not going to die today" I realized.

"No. Not today, Hales" he chuckled.

I looked up at him. "You saved me."

He looked away.

"I owe you my life" I said.

"And I owe you everything else" he smiled before saying shortly "let's go."

"No."

He raised an eyebrow.

I pursed my lips but the tear sliding from my eye gave me away.

He sighed. "I don't understand what you want."

I suddenly stumbled.

"Haley?" Nathan's voice changed. "No, Haley, no!"

What was he complaining about? I was fine. I felt sleepy. Drowsy but it was understandable. It had been a long day. I just wanted to go home and sleep. And sleep. And sleep.

My leg hurt. Weird but now that I think about it, there was an awful throbbing pain at the side of it. I looked down confused and then I saw it.

There was so much blood, it was amazing that we had missed it before. But then we were so focused on each other than we never paid attention to anything else. I hadn't felt the shot because all I had been worried about was his health.

The bullet was wedged in my leg.

I fell forward.

Nathan rushed at me and clutched me tight. In one sweep, he lifted me off the ground and carried me.

"I'm going to get you out of here" he whispered as his face was inches from mine. I nodded, the tears falling ceaselessly down my face.

"And then?"

"You'll be okay."

No. Not without him. I loved him. So many years later and still I loved him.

He carried me down the hallway and then ran down the stairs. I was amazed he didn't get lost. I myself couldn't find my way around this house. He didn't strain as we reached the front door. He carried me towards it, confident that we were going to be alright.

Then I heard it.

The unmistakeable cocking of a gun.

Nathan stopped in his tracks. But he didn't turn around. I looked over my shoulder to see Jimmy standing there, panting hard, the gun pointed at us.

How was he conscious? Incredible. We had run fast; how had he kept up with us? Jimmy's face was red and covered in blue black bruises. But his hand was steady as it held the gun.

"Give her to me" he whispered dangerously.

Nathan's back was turned to Jimmy. I thought of why he didn't just turn around –surely he felt vulnerable to have his back facing the enemy – then I realized it was to shield me. He was shielding me from danger.

"No" Nathan's voice was calm.

"I'll let you go" Jimmy said.

Nathan looked down at me in his arms. My eyes were searching for the answer in his. His mouth upturned slightly. "I never let you go" he whispered to me as if we were by the river and we were young again.

And then he hid me from Jimmy.

And ran.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion.

Nathan's arms around me as he protected me from danger as he ran for the front doors. His legs pumping up and down, his face twisted into a look of grief, pain, love....his arms holding me strong...

Jimmy aimed the gun...

I heard the blast....Nathan stumbled....

"No!" I screamed but Nathan held strong. He tightened his grip on me and kept running to the front doors.

Another shot... Nathan staggering, still holding me...keeping me alive....

Another shot.... Jimmy's triumphant face as he walked over to us, certain we would not leave this place....

I looked at Nathan's determined face....How beautiful it was to me.... He didn't look at me...Amazing, with three bullets in his back, he was still moving... I wanted to tell him to stop....to save himself....but my throat was wedged up....I was watching him die.... This was how we were meant to end...Him dying to save me....

Jimmy shot another bullet....

Nathan finally fell to the ground with me in tow... I rolled over the floor, unharmed... but unable to walk with the wound from my leg bleeding profusely....

Nathan was on his knees.... He looked at me fiercely and I was amazed at his strength...Any other person would be dead now...

Jimmy walked over to Nathan.... His face was blank....He drew his gun for the final time...

"No" I whispered.

He placed the gun on Nathan's forehead...

He looked at me and sneered...

But I was looking at Nathan.

Nathan's bright blue eyes lit up with life...His mouth upturned...He smiled for the last time....

Nathan...Oh, Nathan....

I reached my hand forward but I was so weak. I couldn't take his hand in mine one last time.... And even if I wasn't dying yet....my life with him flashed before my eyes...

And I was six years old again.....

I love you....How long I have loved you....

"I love you" I said pleadingly as I stared at him.

He nodded at me grimly. The blood was like a red waterfall exploding from his body....

I watched as Jimmy cocked the gun...

And eased pressure on the trigger...

Nathan's eyes were on mine....

I heard a loud blast....

And then everything disappeared.....

INWOIUFOUBWNFBWERBFWBJF

I am ninety three years old.

And I've died before...

What does death truly mean?

It is the emptiness of our souls as we wait for the dawn that would eventually bring ourselves home.

It is losing everything over and over again... It is the way the rose falls gracefully from its thorn to land on the green grass that welcomes it.... It is the end of the bird's flight, the arc of the sun's journey, the laughter of the moon...

It is me saying goodbye to him...

Saying goodbye to you....

TO BE CONTINUED.....


	3. Chapter 3

"Gramms?" my great granddaughter called me.

I looked at her with blank eyes.

"Gramms" she said impatiently.

I suddenly remembered where I was. With whom I was sitting with.

I looked around the room to see ten of my descendents snuggled up with each other as they smiled at me expectedly. They were waiting for my story. How many times had I told them this fairytale? And it was a fairytale, wasn't it? A beautiful fantasy carved from ice that eventually melted and gave way to water.

And after all, there was nothing special about water, was there?

I changed the names of course. They didn't want to know it was me that had lived this life. They didn't want to know that love like the one I had encountered truly existed. It would just bring their hope up. We were rare, Nathan and I.

Nobody could love another the way I loved him.

OISVRHOERHOEURHGFUBN

I was thirty five again.

"Lucas?" I asked.

He raised his head and looked at me expectedly.

"What time is it?"

He jerked his head to the clock in front of us. "Eleven o'clock, Haley" he whispered like he was scared any loud sound would break everything fragile in this place.

Which was everything.

"It's been hours" I said softly.

He nodded. "Are you hungry?" he asked concerned.

I shook my head. "The children have been asleep for a while" I looked at my youngest, cradled in my arms. Her soft brown hair was only starting to grow but already she resembled me. She had my optimism reflected in her large brown eyes. I prayed it would stay.

"It's been a long day for them as well" his face was serious. "Longer for me though. Waiting outside the house... for any news of you....Not knowing if I'd ever see you again" his eyes reflected deep adoration and love for me. He reached over and took my hand. "I never want to lose you, Haley."

I rubbed my thumb over his fingers. "I never want to lose you."

"Two children and five years later" he smiled. "And I'm still madly in love with you."

I kissed his hand. I couldn't really say anything more.

"How's your leg?"

I looked at my leg wrapped in a thick cast. "It barely itches anymore. It feels good to be out of bed."

"Lucky you're going to heal completely" he added.

"Yeah" I said as an afterthought. "Lucky."

Heal completely?

Me?

I looked over as my other child yawned and stretched as he awoke.

"Where are we?" he mumbled, in preparation to break into a tirade on how hungry and cold he was.

Lucas recognized the initial stage of a tantrum and bundled him up. "You should get some sleep" he said as he took my sleeping baby from my arms.

"What time will you visit tomorrow?" I asked anxious to see my family again.

"As soon as the doors open" he kissed my forehead. "Sleep well, darling."

They left.

I watched them go but I didn't move.

The hospital was quiet; it was almost midnight.

"Excuse me? Nurse?" I called out to one in passing. "I was just wondering if Mr. Scott was awake yet?"

She shook her head. "No. He's still asleep. He's likely to be that way for as long as the morphine holds out. It's a miracle he's even alive."

"Yes" I nodded. "A miracle" I said slowly.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" she eyed me suspiciously.

I nodded and smiled. "I was just out for a late night stroll."

"Well, you should get some rest" she said sternly.

She walked away and I stood up tentatively. Walking was harder than I thought it would be but I had my crutches. I refused to be bounded by a wheelchair. I hopped slowly down the corridor. My room was somewhere in the middle. I could see my bed from where I stood, so inviting and comfortable.

But I hopped past my room. Hobbled along down the hallway.

The last door at the end was closed. Unlocked but it still looked uninviting. I looked around. Nobody was about. I opened the door slowly.

He was lying on his back, his face peaceful as he remained unconscious. I flinched at the sight of his bandages.

Nathan Scott.

I inched towards his bed.

His face was lovely. I brushed his hair away from his forehead. Then ever so gently, I lowered myself to his bed.

His body was warm and strong next to mine. I wrapped an arm around his broken ribs and laid my head against his chest. His slow breathing was a melody to my ears. Alive. The doctor proved that to me earlier.

"He's strong" the doctor had said. "He'll survive this with only a few scars."

Lucas thought I was anxious over Nathan's recovery because he had saved my life. I didn't bother to correct him.

I kissed Nathan's cheek and let my tear slide from my eye down his face.

And then I waited for a dawn that would take me away again.

PIEWHFOWIBFOB

I trailed away, my voice old and weary to my ears.

"What happens next, Gramms?" they asked. "Does the prince end up with the princess?"

I wondered who the prince was....

OIRSEWIGHERUIOGTFUHOUERG

_There were blankets of warmth, _

_A soft bed with pillows,_

_Yet I remain on the floor,_

_Lying amidst the willows._

_There were smiles of joy,_

_A kind word and loving touch,_

_Yet I am numb and blank,_

_I will never again feel that much._

_He is the hand I hold,_

_The stars that guide me,_

_Yet I look past him,_

_And don't know what I see._

_I am lucky, to find him,_

_He's my husband and I am his wife,_

_Yet I wonder so many times,_

_Why he is not the love of my life?_

_And the other is the passion,_

_He is truly the heat of the fire,_

_He is everything I can never have,_

_And everything I desire._

_I smile one last time,_

_And take his hand,_

_And I wonder why I must leave,_

_And why he doesn't understand?_

_We were never meant to be together,_

_Our lives were always apart,_

_And though you are a million miles away,_

_You will always have my heart._

_Like the rain in the desert,_

_Bright sunlight in the mist,_

_The moon in the day,_

_We simply don't exist._

_I am in love with a stranger, _

_And cry for his farewell,_

_He will never be my life,_

_He is just a story I will tell._

;PDBMPBMPROMBROTMBOMRTBOM

"Mrs. Roe?" I turned around to see a nurse walk towards me.

"Yes?"

"May I help you?"

I looked at her confused. "No. I'm just going to see Mr. Scott." As usual, I added silently in my head.

"But Mrs. Roe" the nurse said slowly. "He's gone."

"What?" I snapped.

"He's gone" she said slowly as if I am dumb.

"What do you mean?" I said impatiently. I don't have time for games. I only have a couple of hours with Nathan before I have to leave.

"He left this morning."

The blood drained from my face. Realization struck me. I was thinking of our last conversation.

"_Haley?" Nathan's deep voice still made me tremble even after all these years. I looked over at him and it is almost like I am eighteen again. I don't feel like a mother or a wife. All I feel is that I belong to him. Like every cell, every fibre of my being belongs to him._

"_Why are you here?" he asked softly._

"_I don't understand" I wondered if I should be upset that he doesn't realize how much I needed to be here._

_We were in his hospital room as usual. It had been a month since his accident. A month of secret visits and quiet conversations, laughing like children as we were hushed by nurses to settle down. A month of lying to Lucas and telling him that I was visiting Nathan out of obligation and guilt and other times telling him I was out with Brooke and Peyton._

_The best month of my life._

_He took a while to respond. I watched his face for a glimmer of what was about to come. So many years later and I still didn't know what he was thinking. He was unpredictable. _

"_You don't have to come here anymore" he struggled to get the words out. He looked up at me with those eyes. "You don't have to feel guilty anymore."_

_I didn't understand what he was saying. "What?" I asked slowly._

"_I didn't save you for you, Haley" he said intensely. "I saved you for me. I saved you because I could never live if we weren't under the same skies. So you don't have to feel guilty. I saved you for me."_

"_Even if we weren't together?"_

"_Even if I never saw you again" he chuckled quietly. "Absurd, isn't it? I need us to be at least on the same continent even if we never saw each other."_

"_You think I'm here because I feel guilty?"_

"_Of course" he said obviously. "Why else?"_

_I stared at him._

"_Nathan" I said his name with longing._

"_I'm not naive enough to believe you could still love me after all these years" he said quietly._

"_Oh, Nathan" the tears were pouring ceaseless from my eyes. "How could I ever stop?" I said desperately._

_His eyebrows rose. "You married him, Hales" he said calmly._

_I froze. There it was. One month of keeping quiet, sweeping it under the rug, one month of suppressed tension as I wondered whether he would bring it up._

"_So?" I whispered._

"_You chose him" he said flatly._

_I chose Lucas? I chose him? _

_I had never put it like that._

_I might have married him but I never chose him. _

_It was never an option for me._

_Lucas was the only available selection. _

_Nathan was never there! He was never there._

"_I love you" I whispered._

"_Hales" he murmured._

"_I loved you so much, far more than you could ever love me" I said quietly. "I love you so much that I never lived until the moment I saw you again. Even if I was going to die, I never truly lived until that moment."_

_His eyes burned into mine. "You have no idea how much I love you."_

"_You never showed it."_

"_I gave up a shot at a happy life for you. If I didn't love you so much, yes, I would have married you. I would have lived happily ever after with you. I would have been happy. But because I loved you this way, because I knew I could never be enough for you, I left. And by leaving you, I don't even have a chance at being happy" he told me through gritted teeth._

_I couldn't help it. I was furious. "You are an idiot" I scowled. But underneath it all, I felt like crying. "I don't need the good life" I snarled. "But I did need you."_

_He smiled ruefully but his bright blue eyes were still intense. _

"_I'm sorry I let you go. You'll never know how sorry" he murmured._

"_I never chose him" I cried. My heart wrecking sobs burst out from me. He reached for me. "I never chose him" I repeated again and again as he held me in his arms._

_And then when I was finally all cried out, I looked up at him and it was inevitable what would happen._

_His face was inches from mine, his warm breath on my face. I could see my reflection in his eyes, his nose brushing against mine. _

_And then he kissed me._

_All the times I had kissed Lucas, I had felt like I had been cheating._

_But kissing Nathan, felt right. Even if it should have made me feel guilty, I didn't._

_Because maybe it was the last time we would ever kiss this way._

"He's gone, ma'am."

He's gone gone gone gone....The word echoed through my mind. I couldn't believe it.

I ran and ran, the nurses yelling at me from behind. I burst through the room.

It was true. Gone.

Gone.

Nathan was gone again.

I couldn't believe it.

How could he leave me again? How?

"Mrs. Roe?" the nurse called me.

"What's wrong?" a passing doctor asked.

"I think she's in shock."

Shocked? Was I?

"Don't let her leave until she's alright. In this state, she might do something stupid."

"Mrs. Roe? Would you like to lie down?"

Cold. I could not remember the feeling of warmth anymore. So cold.

"How long has she been here?"

"A couple of hours. She's just been standing by the window."

"Give her this."

I felt someone squeezing my arm then a sharp pain. Sleep came for me.

I closed my eyes.

I left the hospital a few more hours later after proving to everyone that I was alright. I spoke calmly, thanking them for taking care of me. They didn't look happy about letting me go but I used my husband's name and they caved.

It was night when I walked to my car. The stars were shining bright.

I unlocked my car door. Something made me look up.

I stared across the parking lot.

Nathan was standing there. His arm was still in a cast.

I wasn't surprised.

But oh God, please make me stop loving him.

I can't take this anymore. I have to let go of him.

I have to move on.

Nathan looked at me.

I looked at him.

"Goodbye" I whispered.

POIHGIHROUFHWRUOGBURBGIURBGI

"Mum?" my son walked in my room. Or limped.

He looked old; his balding hair and wrinkled face reminding me how time passes. He was nearly sixty years old.

"Yes, honey?" I asked as I arranged the books on my shelf.

"We'll be out for a couple of hours. Are you sure you don't want to go?"

"I'm sure. You have a good time."

"Will you be alright here alone?"

"Of course. I'm old, not senile" I reprimanded him.

He held up his hands and smiled. "Okay. I'm sorry I asked."

"How long will you be away for?"

"A few hours. We'll call when we reach."

A distant relative was getting married. I would not go. It was too long a journey for my weary bones. I insisted on everyone leaving. There were some things I had to do.

They left. I went to my room. I took a long bath. The hot water felt good on my skin.

I changed into my best dress. Emerald green, my silver hair hung loose and coifed. I didn't look my age. My son and I looked like siblings. The years had treated me light on my figure.

I looked good.

It was time.

OIAEHGAERGHNGOUEGUOBREBN

My daughter was getting married today.

I am fifty eight. She is twenty four. She is in love. And unlike me, she is marrying the love of her life.

Lucas's arms circle my waist. "Reminds you of us, don't they?" he whispered into my ear.

I looked at my daughter and her husband as they make their way through the crowd. It was a lovely reception. They complement each other; his light looks and her dark ones. Her dark solemn eyes found mine as she held him and she smiled at me. I lifted my glass in toast to her.

"Yes, they do" I managed out.

"They'll be happy together" he christened.

I nodded. She already had my blessing.

"I love you" Lucas said.

"I love you too" I said automatically.

"Can you imagine how long we've been married?" he shook his head. "It almost feel like we were just here."

"And now we are old" I laughed.

"Not so old" he kissed my neck. "You're still beautiful."

The years perhaps have treated me right. My looks at least.

Lucas goes off to greet some people and I am left alone again. It is my daughter's wedding and although my heart is filled with such happiness and this was the day I had been preparing and I had spent so much time and energy on, there is a part of me that is suffocated.

I looked at my daughter and smile as she is exactly where she is supposed to be.

I wonder if life is meant to work out this way or if I have just messed things up. I don't know which one is more comforting. I don't know if I want to be blamed for the mistakes I made.

Yet I don't ever want to know that I was never meant to be with him.

My daughter's dress is beautiful.

I know; I picked it out. Watching her twirl across the lighted bridal store, dress after dress as her smile just gets wider was a memory I keep dearly. I can't remember the preparations for my wedding. I was numb for the whole process.

Lucas is gesturing for me as he talks to a couple I know from somewhere. I pretend not to notice. I should be mingling but the thought of making meaningless conversations with near strangers repulses me.

I walk towards my parents. They are smiling widely at every guest here, every single tooth of theirs clearly visible. I stand by their side and relish the thought of being a child once more. I think of holding my mother's hand and pretend I am nine again but she would have been annoyed. They shake hands with guests that pass and thank them for coming. I just nod and smile politely. Mother is annoyed. I can tell. But I can't bring myself to care.

I stopped looking at people's faces then. Instead I stare at their shoes. One's shoes tell a lot about someone. High heels, flats, leather shoes.... I tried to put a face on those shoes and play a game to see if I came close to guessing right.

A pair of scuffed black shoes comes into view. I raise an eyebrow.

How odd.

"Haley" my father's voice boomed. "I want you to meet someone."

My eyes trail upwards. The man in front of me is wearing a pair of black slacks, neat yet curiously informal. I had to smile. My eyes keep rising.... A blue button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up.... Impossible.... I was too old....

And yet.....

And yet....

Why wouldn't he be here?

Surely I knew I hadn't seen the last of him....

Oh God.... Oh God!

How is this possible?

My eyes lock on his face.... And his eyes....those eyes....

"Haley, meet Nathan Scott" my father introduced.

Nathan is trying not to smile. His eyes are dancing. He has not aged a bit. I feel like an old hag next to him.

And yet.... he makes me feel beautiful.

He offers me his hand. "A pleasure" he murmurs raising my hand to his lips.

"I don't know if you remember" my father continues unaware of the blush that is rising to my cheeks as Nathan kisses my hand. "But Nathan's mother here used to work for us. He lived on out grounds."

"I'm sorry" I shake my head, my voice breathless. "But I can't remember."

Nathan raises an eyebrow and I stare him down pointedly.

"Well, it was a long time ago. And I don't recall the two of you actually meeting" my father continues.

My mother coughs. I wonder if she knows. I wonder if my father knows. I wonder if they are both acting naive and if they have actually invited him here today for me.

"Apparently not" Nathan says.

"So what do you do now?" I ask rudely.

Nathan grins at me. "I'm a writer."

"Oh?"

"A darn good one at that" my father pitches in. "He's a reporter in the Gazette. Top reporter actually; he used to be a war correspondent."

"Well, well" I comment, scowling.

"He's being syndicated as well. Most of the other...."

I cut my father off. "A war correspondent, huh?" I said sarcastically. "I guess you're the type of person who likes putting yourself in danger?"

Nathan straightened up. "I guess so" he says evenly.

"I wonder why. Surely you're afraid of death?" I snarl.

"Death doesn't scare me" he shrugs.

"Are you religious?" I ask.

"Yes. But I have other reasons to be fearless" he smirks.

"What?" I demand.

"It's only life" he smiles, his eyes burning into mine. "But then you know all about that, don't you?"

It feels like a private moment as he stares into my eyes and I suddenly feel vulnerable to him again. Even if I was mad beyond belief at him, even if I hated him just then.... I like that connection between us. All this time, my parents are just watching this exchange between us, their faces expressionless. They know, I realize. They've always known.

"We'll leave you two alone" my father takes my mother's hand.

"No" I say sternly, still looking at Nathan.

"But..."

"I said no" I say again.

My parents look uncomfortable but they stay there, acting like a net between us. Nathan isn't bothered; in fact he smirks like he finds the whole thing amusing.

"So a war correspondent?" I say again. "Which war have you covered?"

He narrows his eyes at me. "It's not really an ideal conversation to be having here now, is not?"

"When have you cared?" I blurted out.

"I don't."

"Why are you doing this?"

My parents stiffen at the inflection in my voice.

"Haley" Nathan says my name and I am suddenly furious with him again. How dare he use my name in that voice! It could never sound the way it does when he speaks it!

"Why are you doing this?" I repeat.

He glances at my parents. "Haley" my father caution me. I ignore him. I can only listen to Nathan.

"How dare you" I hiss furiously.

"Honey" my mother puts her hand on my arm. "Honey, he saved your life."

I wonder how she knew.

"No" I shake my head. "He didn't. He really didn't" I turn to my father. "Why is he here? Why have your brought him here?"

"Things are different now, Haley" my father says.

"What?" I snap.

"Lucas is coming" my mother warns and we all turn to face my husband whose all smiles as he walks up to us.

"Hello" he greets us, his handsome face lit up. "Nathan Scott" he claps Nathan on the back. "Nice to see you again. Glad you could make it."

I am confused. My parents remain calm. Nathan's face is tight.

"Sweetheart" Lucas wraps his arm around my waist. "I don't know if you remember but he is the man who saved your life all those years ago. Remember the shoot out? Amazing isn't it? Running into him after all these years?"

"Amazing" I lie.

"Not that I'm not glad to see you but" Lucas says warmly completely unaware that his wife is in love with this stranger. "How do you know my lovely daughter and son-in-law?"

"He doesn't" my father interjects. "I invited him."

Lucas finally looks bewildered. He turns to me for answers but my eyes are on Nathan.

"Nathan's mother used to work for us" my father explains. "And now he is a famous reporter on the Gazette. I ran into him a couple of weeks ago and invited him here today. Hope you don't mind" my father is looking at Lucas but I can tell he is asking me.

"Of course not. More the merrier" Lucas grins.

"Excuse us" I say stiffly. "We must attend to our guests."

And with that, I yank Lucas and walk away.

I make it through the next hour. I'm not sure how but I do. I ignore Nathan's steely blue eyes as I try to act normal. But inside I'm unravelling.

The bride and groom have left. Many of the guests still remain. Including Nathan. He is talking and mingling with the crowd and everyone is mesmerized by his presence. Funny how I never noticed before how truly beautiful he is to the public. I always thought he was only beautiful to me.

"You should talk to him" my mother sits next to me.

"Why?" I say still irritated.

"Haley" Lydia chastises. "For once, could you act your age. You're a mature woman; act like it."

I want to sulk but instead I pick a flower from the bouquet in the centre of the table and proceed to tear it apart.

"Talk to him."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I love him" I say evenly and it is the first time I have ever admitted it to someone other than myself and Nathan. My mother is not surprised I can tell by her eyes but she is afraid for me. Nervous.

"I know. I've always known" she says.

We are quiet and my eyes yet again are following Nathan around the room.

"Why did you marry him?" my mother asks.

"Because he wanted me to" I answer swiftly.

"Do you love him?"

"Lucas? Yes, I do."

"Are you happy with him?"

"Yes."

"But?"

"I'd rather be miserable with Nathan."

"He loves you, you know."

"Yes. But it is never enough for him."

"If he asks you, would you leave Lucas for him?"

I think about it. I know my answer. It is a simple question really.

I don't say anything.

"Your children are grown up and though Lucas has been a good husband, there is no use staying for pity's sake."

"Why did you invite him?" I ask suddenly.

"We think it is our fault that you never married him. If this is a chance to redeem ourselves, we'll take it. We are tired of living with the guilt."

"You shouldn't have invited him" I say wearily.

"We love you, my darling. No matter what happens to day, we will always love you."

I wonder to what extent that is true.

I look at Nathan and he looks at me.

I know what I have to do.

Nathan walks over to me. My mother silently leaves. Lucas is nowhere in sight.

Nathan smiles down at me like we were new lovers instead of long time enemies. I have to smile back.

He offers me his hand.

I take it.

He pulls me up.

We walk across the dance floor.

I want to freeze this one moment because I can't see where life would go from here.

And we dance.

Even though Lucas might be watching.... even though I am old and married..... even though I am heartbroken and nothing could heal this hole in me......

Still we dance.


	4. Chapter 4

How old am I?

Am I judged by my face, my old weary bones, the wrinkles already formed and my aging children?

Or is it my soul, my fate, my very naivety that promises me I still have my happy ending that defines my age?

I still stand in front of my mirror. I am still watching my reflection as my face undergoes many facets. Smile, don't smile, pout, coy look, innocent waive, agony.

My deep brown eyes were wide and tearful. My lips were trembling. Tears were falling down my cheeks.

Stupid old woman.... To cry over something so old... To cry over something I never really had...

The house was empty. Night had fallen.

I sit on my porch swing alone.

I look good for my age.

I am wearing a nice dress.

And I wait.

OIFRHOAEHGOUHAEUOGHOEUHGOUEH

Nathan is taking me out today.

Odd. I am contentedly married, old, and have children already been thrown into the marital scene. Lucas knows about who I am meeting. He smiles at me and kisses my lips as he leaves for work. He will never retire and I never want him to. We are too active.

I am a working woman as well. I write books.

I have become very successful in my own way and I have a huge, impossibly big fan following.

Funny how both Nathan and I have become writers.

Only he is a reporter. And he puts himself in danger so often.....

I cringe.

A quote slips into my mind by accident.

_Tis always the ones we love that rid our will to love._

I am wearing a shapely blue dress that wraps around me nicely. My face is done up and my hair perfectly styled. I am wearing for the first time in a while, high heels and I have sprayed perfume on my wrists.

I am lovely.

He says it as well.

And I know he is telling the truth because his eyes suddenly light up as he looks me over.

It is not a date of course. I have told Lucas it is simply an afternoon spent with an old friend. I have told him of my friendship with Nathan, excluding my deep love for him. It was hard for me to tell him my story without letting my passion and sadness inflect on my voice. It was hard for me to tell him coolly and downplay how much I truly cared for him.

But it is not a date.

Yet he offers me his hand.

And try as I might not to take it, I do.

And I cannot let go.

He brought a car but I preferred to walk. So we walked. And talked

About everything and nothing. I told him about my life. He told me about his.

Though I wished he hadn't.

His life was full of danger....mystery....pain....

I wanted to ask him why he did what he did. But I knew the answer.

It was me of course. I put him through it. And it burnt the hole already in me.

He told me though.

After lunch.

We were walking along a beach our hands touching lightly almost by accident. He turned to me suddenly.

"Haley" he says.

"Nathan" I acknowledge.

Our names sound right together. Almost like we were made for each other.

But we aren't, are we?

It is hard to believe we aren't meant to be but we aren't.

It is hard....so hard...

"I do it for you. I do this for you."

"What?"

He smiled sadly. "I can't stand this."

"Neither can I."

"Can you believe what a mess I've made of this?" he runs a hand through his windblown hair.

"You have always been a pain" I agree.

He laughs. "And you've always been stubborn. I blame you for everything by the way."

"It's alright" I shrug. "I blame you back."

"It's your fault" he teases.

"You're the one who never proposed" I remind him.

"Would you have said yes?"

"Probably not" I frown.

He laughs again. And he takes my hand and raises it to my lips.

"I can't imagine not seeing you again."

"So, we should see each other" I insist. "More often. Maybe even once a week."

He shakes his head.

"Nathan!"

"I still have a job to do. Can you imagine seeing me that often knowing anyway I might die?"

"Then don't do it."

"I can't stop."

"Why not?" I yell.

"Because I care too much now."

"About?" I snap.

"About the people, about the war, about the victims... I can't turn my back on them."

I think about it. "You've changed."

"Have I?"

"Very much. You seem more sympathetic."

He grins. "Was I that bad?"

I don't say anything for a while. "When we were kids, you used to visit an orphanage every week and play with the kids. When we were older, you took three jobs just so your mother wouldn't have to strain yourself. You never had any money because you've given it all to her. And" I hesitate. "And you let me go even if it made you miserable because you thought I would be happier."

He doesn't say anything either but he runs his thumb over my fingers.

He walks me home.

I love you, please don't leave.

We are standing under a tree, the sun rapidly ascending. But we are in the shade. I think of the philosophy. Though we are in darkness, we would notice the absence of the sun.

"I love you" I say.

"Don't Hales."

I sigh. He reaches into his pocket.

And opens a dark box.

"Is it too late to propose?" he asks calmly.

I have to smile. The ring is lovely.

"It's always been too late" I say.

He smiles back. "A real pity too. You would have looked beautiful with it."

I feel my wedding ring on my finger...it's so heavy.... much more expensive than Nathan's ring yet I want to take it off....

"Can I just hold it?" I ask tentatively.

He stares at me intently.

"Would you like to wear it?" he asks quietly.

I stare at him with hopeful eyes. My throat is tight. I want to hold him, I want to kiss him. God, I want him so bad.

"Oh Nathan" I whisper. "Can I?"

He doesn't answer. Instead with calm eyes, he takes my hand and slips the ring onto my middle finger. It isn't supposed to go there; it's not where it's meant to be. But at least I share a part of him. At least, I have this small part of him.

"Will you marry me, Hales?" he asks me.

I look at him.

He looks at me.

What is it of this life that makes no sense?

"Will you promise you'll never leave me then?" I say softly.

He trails a line down my cheek to my jaw line.

"Oh Hales" he says softly. "How could I?"

"And will you stop for me then? Stop doing what you do?"

He doesn't even think about it. It's like his words from just a few minutes ago don't matter. It's like the past twenty years don't matter and my marriage doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

Except him. Except this.

"Yes."

"Yes" I agree. "I will marry you."

And he smiles widely.

He takes me in his arms. "All my life" he says as he kisses my forehead. "I've loved you all my life."

I wonder at that moment if my dreams are about to come true.

It seems very possible at this moment.

POIWHGPAHGH

I close my eyes. The wind is cold on my cheeks.

People are still walking past my house. They wave as they pass. I wave back.

Ah, to be young again.

It's late...

Yet I know with the deepest conviction what would happen tonight....

I wait...

Like the tide awaiting the moon, I wait....

OSGHOAGROUOUGBOB

Lucas is waiting for me when I come home.

I have to confront him, I realize. I have to tell him that our marriage is over.

How could I hurt this man I love and care so much for? How could I do this to the man who has stood by me for more than 20 years, who had lain beside me in bed as we talk quietly and hold hands? How could I leave him?

And yet....how can I not?

"Darling" he smiles at me and kisses my forehead.

"Lucas" I start.

"You'll never guess what?" he says cheerfully. "The Dawson's just called. We got the boat! All I have to do is sign the lease and..." he keeps talking but I don't listen. In my mind, I am weeping and crying, hating myself for loving and leaving him.

Love is odd. And it has its levels.

My obsessive, passionate frenzy love for Nathan blotted out the calm love I had for Lucas. But love Lucas, I did.

Odd.

"Lucas" I say louder. I feel Nathan's ring on the right finger. Lucas's ring in my pocket. It makes me feel guilty. Yet I can not remove it.

"Darling" I say softly.

"What's wrong" he asks confused.

I take a deep breath. "You should sit" I say.

He doesn't say anything.

The front bell rings.

He leaves the room to answer it, shooting me a look.

I hear his footsteps on the wooden floor. I hear the door swing open. I hear his low voice talking and a gasp.

I wonder who it is at the door.

I look at my rings and wonder many things.....

PIZNJBGPIDNBINPIBNB

Lucas is screaming in pain.

The agony of the sound cuts into me like a sword aimed badly. I am bleeding. I see the men come into the house and I feel their grips on mine. I struggle but they pull me effortlessly.

They carry me out into the night.

Lucas is nowhere to be found. I fear for him. And then I hear his scream.

I am afraid.

We should have gone back to our huge mansion. I know that now; we should have moved back there. But we had sold off that house when our children had emptied it. We were living in a huge apartment now. More comfortable, less security.

I will not cry.

I am strong now.

There is an open van in front of me. I wonder why no one has seen us being kidnapped.

And then I see him.

Nathan.

"No!" I screamed.

He runs at us.

I see the men turn to look at him.

They hold him down. And start kicking him in the gut.

I scream and scream.

But they don't stop.

"Nathan!" I plead. "Stop! You don't want him! It's me! It's me!"

But they don't stop.

I wonder why this happens now.

I wonder why I couldn't have had one day of being Mrs. Haley Scott.

I wonder many things.

LOIQNTONQONGOQNGOUBNGUBNR

When I was nine, Nathan and I got married.

Not for real. It was a childish ceremony. My doll was the maid of honour. My bear was his best man.

He didn't want to do it. But I widened my big brown eyes at him.

"Gosh, Hales" he muttered. "Don't look at me like that."

"Please" I pouted.

"Oh come on. What will everyone think if I got dressed and married you?"

"I don't understand" I frowned. "Don't you want to marry me?"

"Of course not."

I started to cry.

He sighed and put his arm around me. "I didn't mean it, Hales. I do want to marry you. I promise you we will. Just not now."

"You can pretend marry me" I insisted.

"What do I have to do?" he asked suspiciously.

So that is why I stole my Daddy's tux and made Nathan wear it. I was wearing my own white frock and had picked up flowers from the garden.

"Do you Nathan Scott take me, Haley James to be your lawfully wedded wife?" I asked hopefully.

"Don't really have a choice, do I?" he muttered.

"Nathan!"

"Yeah, yeah" he smiled brilliantly at me. "I do."

"You must now kiss the bride."

"Ew, Haley!" he scowled.

"Actually, maybe we should skip that part" I shuddered.

He suddenly smiled mischievously.

"Maybe we shouldn't."

"Nathan" I said warily as he came closer to me.

And that is how he ruined my Daddy's best tux and how I tore my lovely dress.

When he chased me around the garden begging for a kiss.

He finally got it though.

I gave up and let him kiss me.

When I allowed him to, he didn't want to kiss me anymore. So I planted one on him.

Our first kiss.

It's seems so long ago.

I hold his hand now.

He is dying again.

How many times can one man die?

How many times can I die?

Lucas is lying down next to me. He is even worse off than Nathan.

At least Nathan is smiling at me.

"Is he okay?" he asks me softly.

The men have tossed us at the back of their trunk. And they are driving us away.

I think we will all be dead soon.

I am not afraid to die with Nathan.

I am afraid to live without him.

He smiles.

"Is he breathing?"

I look at Lucas. "Barely."

I feel guilty. If I had my way, I would be talking to Lucas now about a divorce.

If I had my way, I would be married to Nathan.

"What do we do?" I ask Nathan.

He takes me in his arms. With Lucas just inches away, Nathan holds me.

"I won't let you get hurt" he promises.

But I wonder why I'm here.

"I love you" he tells me.

I nod.

I hold Lucas's cold hand. We make a strange team; my husband, me and my lover.

We form a triangle, me in Nathan's arms yet clutching Lucas's hand tightly.

I remember this moment.

If I live forever, this would be the moment when everything changes.

"Haley" Lucas mumbles.

"I'm here."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I, my darling."

"I've made so many mistakes."

I tense up.

"What do you mean?"

"I took their money" he mutters, out of energy. "It was illegal and stupid but I was desperate. I borrowed money from them."

"Them?"

And he gave me their name.

And I knew I was dead.

Nathan's face is furious. At Lucas. For being so stupid. Does Nathan still think I'm better off?

"What will they do?" I ask quietly before Nathan starts shouting.

"I can't pay off their loans."

I sigh.

"I love you, Haley."

I nod.

"Will we die tonight?"

The car stops moving.

No, not tonight. It'd be much sooner now.

AIORGIPEJGIJG

"Lucas Roe" he introduced.

I smile politely but I don't take his hand. He is a bit too pretty boyish to be my type. I like my men dark and bright blue eyed.

"Haley James."

"I know."

"I've heard a lot about you?"

"Have you?" I said disinterested.

"You have quite a reputation here."

"Hmm?"

He laughs easily. "Are you always this gracious?"

"Not always. Sometimes I'm downright welcoming" I shoot back.

He grinned. "Prove it."

I scowl. "Why?"

"Because I'm right. And you don't like to be wrong."

"How does that make sense?"

"It does" he challenges. "But will you prove it?"

I had to smile.

"Wow, a smile! I didn't think it was possible" he laughs.

"You're very persistent" I say.

"I have a lot of time for the most beautiful girl I've ever seen" he gives me a sideways glance. "Are you blushing?"

"No" I say hastily.

"So what do you say? Will you go out with me?" he asks.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm not interested in you."

"Why not?"

"You're not my type."

"How do you know that? You have given me a chance."

"I don't waste time on things I know to be futile."

"Yet we're still having this conversation."

I scowl and stand up.

And Lucas Roe doesn't let me leave.

He puts his warm hand on my shoulder. It is the first time we ever touch in our lives. I don't think much of it. He is just a boy and I am just a girl.

"What harm will it do?" Lucas looks me in the eye. "Besides, you know you want to prove me wrong."

I do. I want to so bad.

It is almost like I am here again. In this scene so many decades ago.

I am more than fifty years old and yet I stand here with Lucas again. The day we first meet.

I am dreaming of course.

"Lucas?" I ask him.

"Prove me wrong, Haley" and his eyes are filled with so much love, I am crying.

"Lucas. Please don't leave me tonight" I plead.

He grins. "I knew you wanted me."

"Lucas. Lucas. Lucas" I say his name again and again. "It's not your fault. I don't blame you."

And he takes a step back.

Lucas..... "Lucas!" I scream.

"I've always been here, Haley. I love you" he takes another step back.

"I love you" I say and he backs away. "No! No!" I shriek. "Don't go!"

"I love you."

"No! No! Don't!"

"Wake up, Haley" Nathan says. "You're having a bad dream."

I open my eyes and look into Nathan's solemn face. "We've stopped moving" I say tiredly.

"Yes" and in Nathan's eyes, I know he is telling me it's not good news.

And the beating starts.

They drag Lucas out of the car and start hitting him. And they ask him for the money.

And Lucas tells them that it's gone. That there is no money.

And they turn to me.

"No" Nathan says coldly.

But they don't listen. Even as Nathan fights and Lucas pleads and I cry, they don't listen. They kick Nathan and Lucas out of the car. And I am alone with them. And they take me away.

OAURWFOURFORBFRBGRB

I have tried to forget.

I have tried to forgive.

I have tried to survive.

People have tried to ask me what happened during those two days I was alone with those men.

They have tried to ask and I have tried to answer.

But the words.... how hard it is to find words to explain what I can't remember?

I am numb.

I see their faces flash before me. They are smiling cockily, evilly. They want me alive. But just barely.

And then I am naked and they still watch.

I am numb.

My daughters....how easy it is for me to leave knowing you're safe....knowing you have your other half....

My sons..... my strength....the ones that will pick up the pieces of this family when I'm gone.

My parents....still smiling....the saddest thing is to outlive your own child....

Lucas....Lucas....forgive me..... I loved you...truly I did..... my beacon of hope, my light, my love..... I hold my ring tight......

Nathan.....my everything......

I loved you.....I love you..... I will always love you......

I am numb.

And yet why do I still live?

Nathan.....Nathan......

Nathan?

Where were we when we missed our bus to our happy ending?

We must have been holding hands through the forest, laughing till we missed the bus's call.

We must have thought our lives were only about us. We were wrong. Yet who else fits in out universe?

I love you.

Nathan?

Nathan! Nathan!


	5. Chapter 5

yHow old am I?

Am I judged by my face, my old weary bones, the wrinkles already formed and my aging children?

Or is it my soul, my fate, my very naivety that promises me I still have my happy ending that defines my age?

I still stand in front of my mirror. I am still watching my reflection as my face undergoes many facets. Smile, don't smile, pout, coy look, innocent waive, agony.

My deep brown eyes were wide and tearful. My lips were trembling. Tears were falling down my cheeks.

Stupid old woman.... To cry over something so old... To cry over something I never really had...

The house was empty. Night had fallen.

I sit on my porch swing alone.

I look good for my age.

I am wearing a nice dress.

And I wait.

OIFRHOAEHGOUHAEUOGHOEUHGOUEH

Nathan is taking me out today.

Odd. I am contentedly married, old, and have children already been thrown into the marital scene. Lucas knows about who I am meeting. He smiles at me and kisses my lips as he leaves for work. He will never retire and I never want him to. We are too active.

I am a working woman as well. I write books.

I have become very successful in my own way and I have a huge, impossibly big fan following.

Funny how both Nathan and I have become writers.

Only he is a reporter. And he puts himself in danger so often.....

I cringe.

A quote slips into my mind by accident.

_Tis always the ones we love that rid our will to love._

I am wearing a shapely blue dress that wraps around me nicely. My face is done up and my hair perfectly styled. I am wearing for the first time in a while, high heels and I have sprayed perfume on my wrists.

I am lovely.

He says it as well.

And I know he is telling the truth because his eyes suddenly light up as he looks me over.

It is not a date of course. I have told Lucas it is simply an afternoon spent with an old friend. I have told him of my friendship with Nathan, excluding my deep love for him. It was hard for me to tell him my story without letting my passion and sadness inflect on my voice. It was hard for me to tell him coolly and downplay how much I truly cared for him.

But it is not a date.

Yet he offers me his hand.

And try as I might not to take it, I do.

And I cannot let go.

He brought a car but I preferred to walk. So we walked. And talked

About everything and nothing. I told him about my life. He told me about his.

Though I wished he hadn't.

His life was full of danger....mystery....pain....

I wanted to ask him why he did what he did. But I knew the answer.

It was me of course. I put him through it. And it burnt the hole already in me.

He told me though.

After lunch.

We were walking along a beach our hands touching lightly almost by accident. He turned to me suddenly.

"Haley" he says.

"Nathan" I acknowledge.

Our names sound right together. Almost like we were made for each other.

But we aren't, are we?

It is hard to believe we aren't meant to be but we aren't.

It is hard....so hard...

"I do it for you. I do this for you."

"What?"

He smiled sadly. "I can't stand this."

"Neither can I."

"Can you believe what a mess I've made of this?" he runs a hand through his windblown hair.

"You have always been a pain" I agree.

He laughs. "And you've always been stubborn. I blame you for everything by the way."

"It's alright" I shrug. "I blame you back."

"It's your fault" he teases.

"You're the one who never proposed" I remind him.

"Would you have said yes?"

"Probably not" I frown.

He laughs again. And he takes my hand and raises it to my lips.

"I can't imagine not seeing you again."

"So, we should see each other" I insist. "More often. Maybe even once a week."

He shakes his head.

"Nathan!"

"I still have a job to do. Can you imagine seeing me that often knowing anyway I might die?"

"Then don't do it."

"I can't stop."

"Why not?" I yell.

"Because I care too much now."

"About?" I snap.

"About the people, about the war, about the victims... I can't turn my back on them."

I think about it. "You've changed."

"Have I?"

"Very much. You seem more sympathetic."

He grins. "Was I that bad?"

I don't say anything for a while. "When we were kids, you used to visit an orphanage every week and play with the kids. When we were older, you took three jobs just so your mother wouldn't have to strain yourself. You never had any money because you've given it all to her. And" I hesitate. "And you let me go even if it made you miserable because you thought I would be happier."

He doesn't say anything either but he runs his thumb over my fingers.

He walks me home.

I love you, please don't leave.

We are standing under a tree, the sun rapidly ascending. But we are in the shade. I think of the philosophy. Though we are in darkness, we would notice the absence of the sun.

"I love you" I say.

"Don't Hales."

I sigh. He reaches into his pocket.

And opens a dark box.

"Is it too late to propose?" he asks calmly.

I have to smile. The ring is lovely.

"It's always been too late" I say.

He smiles back. "A real pity too. You would have looked beautiful with it."

I feel my wedding ring on my finger...it's so heavy.... much more expensive than Nathan's ring yet I want to take it off....

"Can I just hold it?" I ask tentatively.

He stares at me intently.

"Would you like to wear it?" he asks quietly.

I stare at him with hopeful eyes. My throat is tight. I want to hold him, I want to kiss him. God, I want him so bad.

"Oh Nathan" I whisper. "Can I?"

He doesn't answer. Instead with calm eyes, he takes my hand and slips the ring onto my middle finger. It isn't supposed to go there; it's not where it's meant to be. But at least I share a part of him. At least, I have this small part of him.

"Will you marry me, Hales?" he asks me.

I look at him.

He looks at me.

What is it of this life that makes no sense?

"Will you promise you'll never leave me then?" I say softly.

He trails a line down my cheek to my jaw line.

"Oh Hales" he says softly. "How could I?"

"And will you stop for me then? Stop doing what you do?"

He doesn't even think about it. It's like his words from just a few minutes ago don't matter. It's like the past twenty years don't matter and my marriage doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

Except him. Except this.

"Yes."

"Yes" I agree. "I will marry you."

And he smiles widely.

He takes me in his arms. "All my life" he says as he kisses my forehead. "I've loved you all my life."

I wonder at that moment if my dreams are about to come true.

It seems very possible at this moment.

POIWHGPAHGH

I close my eyes. The wind is cold on my cheeks.

People are still walking past my house. They wave as they pass. I wave back.

Ah, to be young again.

It's late...

Yet I know with the deepest conviction what would happen tonight....

I wait...

Like the tide awaiting the moon, I wait....

OSGHOAGROUOUGBOB

Lucas is waiting for me when I come home.

I have to confront him, I realize. I have to tell him that our marriage is over.

How could I hurt this man I love and care so much for? How could I do this to the man who has stood by me for more than 20 years, who had lain beside me in bed as we talk quietly and hold hands? How could I leave him?

And yet....how can I not?

"Darling" he smiles at me and kisses my forehead.

"Lucas" I start.

"You'll never guess what?" he says cheerfully. "The Dawson's just called. We got the boat! All I have to do is sign the lease and..." he keeps talking but I don't listen. In my mind, I am weeping and crying, hating myself for loving and leaving him.

Love is odd. And it has its levels.

My obsessive, passionate frenzy love for Nathan blotted out the calm love I had for Lucas. But love Lucas, I did.

Odd.

"Lucas" I say louder. I feel Nathan's ring on the right finger. Lucas's ring in my pocket. It makes me feel guilty. Yet I can not remove it.

"Darling" I say softly.

"What's wrong" he asks confused.

I take a deep breath. "You should sit" I say.

He doesn't say anything.

The front bell rings.

He leaves the room to answer it, shooting me a look.

I hear his footsteps on the wooden floor. I hear the door swing open. I hear his low voice talking and a gasp.

I wonder who it is at the door.

I look at my rings and wonder many things.....

PIZNJBGPIDNBINPIBNB

Lucas is screaming in pain.

The agony of the sound cuts into me like a sword aimed badly. I am bleeding. I see the men come into the house and I feel their grips on mine. I struggle but they pull me effortlessly.

They carry me out into the night.

Lucas is nowhere to be found. I fear for him. And then I hear his scream.

I am afraid.

We should have gone back to our huge mansion. I know that now; we should have moved back there. But we had sold off that house when our children had emptied it. We were living in a huge apartment now. More comfortable, less security.

I will not cry.

I am strong now.

There is an open van in front of me. I wonder why no one has seen us being kidnapped.

And then I see him.

Nathan.

"No!" I screamed.

He runs at us.

I see the men turn to look at him.

They hold him down. And start kicking him in the gut.

I scream and scream.

But they don't stop.

"Nathan!" I plead. "Stop! You don't want him! It's me! It's me!"

But they don't stop.

I wonder why this happens now.

I wonder why I couldn't have had one day of being Mrs. Haley Scott.

I wonder many things.

LOIQNTONQONGOQNGOUBNGUBNR

When I was nine, Nathan and I got married.

Not for real. It was a childish ceremony. My doll was the maid of honour. My bear was his best man.

He didn't want to do it. But I widened my big brown eyes at him.

"Gosh, Hales" he muttered. "Don't look at me like that."

"Please" I pouted.

"Oh come on. What will everyone think if I got dressed and married you?"

"I don't understand" I frowned. "Don't you want to marry me?"

"Of course not."

I started to cry.

He sighed and put his arm around me. "I didn't mean it, Hales. I do want to marry you. I promise you we will. Just not now."

"You can pretend marry me" I insisted.

"What do I have to do?" he asked suspiciously.

So that is why I stole my Daddy's tux and made Nathan wear it. I was wearing my own white frock and had picked up flowers from the garden.

"Do you Nathan Scott take me, Haley James to be your lawfully wedded wife?" I asked hopefully.

"Don't really have a choice, do I?" he muttered.

"Nathan!"

"Yeah, yeah" he smiled brilliantly at me. "I do."

"You must now kiss the bride."

"Ew, Haley!" he scowled.

"Actually, maybe we should skip that part" I shuddered.

He suddenly smiled mischievously.

"Maybe we shouldn't."

"Nathan" I said warily as he came closer to me.

And that is how he ruined my Daddy's best tux and how I tore my lovely dress.

When he chased me around the garden begging for a kiss.

He finally got it though.

I gave up and let him kiss me.

When I allowed him to, he didn't want to kiss me anymore. So I planted one on him.

Our first kiss.

It's seems so long ago.

I hold his hand now.

He is dying again.

How many times can one man die?

How many times can I die?

Lucas is lying down next to me. He is even worse off than Nathan.

At least Nathan is smiling at me.

"Is he okay?" he asks me softly.

The men have tossed us at the back of their trunk. And they are driving us away.

I think we will all be dead soon.

I am not afraid to die with Nathan.

I am afraid to live without him.

He smiles.

"Is he breathing?"

I look at Lucas. "Barely."

I feel guilty. If I had my way, I would be talking to Lucas now about a divorce.

If I had my way, I would be married to Nathan.

"What do we do?" I ask Nathan.

He takes me in his arms. With Lucas just inches away, Nathan holds me.

"I won't let you get hurt" he promises.

But I wonder why I'm here.

"I love you" he tells me.

I nod.

I hold Lucas's cold hand. We make a strange team; my husband, me and my lover.

We form a triangle, me in Nathan's arms yet clutching Lucas's hand tightly.

I remember this moment.

If I live forever, this would be the moment when everything changes.

"Haley" Lucas mumbles.

"I'm here."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I, my darling."

"I've made so many mistakes."

I tense up.

"What do you mean?"

"I took their money" he mutters, out of energy. "It was illegal and stupid but I was desperate. I borrowed money from them."

"Them?"

And he gave me their name.

And I knew I was dead.

Nathan's face is furious. At Lucas. For being so stupid. Does Nathan still think I'm better off?

"What will they do?" I ask quietly before Nathan starts shouting.

"I can't pay off their loans."

I sigh.

"I love you, Haley."

I nod.

"Will we die tonight?"

The car stops moving.

No, not tonight. It'd be much sooner now.

AIORGIPEJGIJG

"Lucas Roe" he introduced.

I smile politely but I don't take his hand. He is a bit too pretty boyish to be my type. I like my men dark and bright blue eyed.

"Haley James."

"I know."

"I've heard a lot about you?"

"Have you?" I said disinterested.

"You have quite a reputation here."

"Hmm?"

He laughs easily. "Are you always this gracious?"

"Not always. Sometimes I'm downright welcoming" I shoot back.

He grinned. "Prove it."

I scowl. "Why?"

"Because I'm right. And you don't like to be wrong."

"How does that make sense?"

"It does" he challenges. "But will you prove it?"

I had to smile.

"Wow, a smile! I didn't think it was possible" he laughs.

"You're very persistent" I say.

"I have a lot of time for the most beautiful girl I've ever seen" he gives me a sideways glance. "Are you blushing?"

"No" I say hastily.

"So what do you say? Will you go out with me?" he asks.

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm not interested in you."

"Why not?"

"You're not my type."

"How do you know that? You have given me a chance."

"I don't waste time on things I know to be futile."

"Yet we're still having this conversation."

I scowl and stand up.

And Lucas Roe doesn't let me leave.

He puts his warm hand on my shoulder. It is the first time we ever touch in our lives. I don't think much of it. He is just a boy and I am just a girl.

"What harm will it do?" Lucas looks me in the eye. "Besides, you know you want to prove me wrong."

I do. I want to so bad.

It is almost like I am here again. In this scene so many decades ago.

I am more than fifty years old and yet I stand here with Lucas again. The day we first meet.

I am dreaming of course.

"Lucas?" I ask him.

"Prove me wrong, Haley" and his eyes are filled with so much love, I am crying.

"Lucas. Please don't leave me tonight" I plead.

He grins. "I knew you wanted me."

"Lucas. Lucas. Lucas" I say his name again and again. "It's not your fault. I don't blame you."

And he takes a step back.

Lucas..... "Lucas!" I scream.

"I've always been here, Haley. I love you" he takes another step back.

"I love you" I say and he backs away. "No! No!" I shriek. "Don't go!"

"I love you."

"No! No! Don't!"

"Wake up, Haley" Nathan says. "You're having a bad dream."

I open my eyes and look into Nathan's solemn face. "We've stopped moving" I say tiredly.

"Yes" and in Nathan's eyes, I know he is telling me it's not good news.

And the beating starts.

They drag Lucas out of the car and start hitting him. And they ask him for the money.

And Lucas tells them that it's gone. That there is no money.

And they turn to me.

"No" Nathan says coldly.

But they don't listen. Even as Nathan fights and Lucas pleads and I cry, they don't listen. They kick Nathan and Lucas out of the car. And I am alone with them. And they take me away.

OAURWFOURFORBFRBGRB

I have tried to forget.

I have tried to forgive.

I have tried to survive.

People have tried to ask me what happened during those two days I was alone with those men.

They have tried to ask and I have tried to answer.

But the words.... how hard it is to find words to explain what I can't remember?

I am numb.

I see their faces flash before me. They are smiling cockily, evilly. They want me alive. But just barely.

And then I am naked and they still watch.

I am numb.

My daughters....how easy it is for me to leave knowing you're safe....knowing you have your other half....

My sons..... my strength....the ones that will pick up the pieces of this family when I'm gone.

My parents....still smiling....the saddest thing is to outlive your own child....

Lucas....Lucas....forgive me..... I loved you...truly I did..... my beacon of hope, my light, my love..... I hold my ring tight......

Nathan.....my everything......

I loved you.....I love you..... I will always love you......

I am numb.

And yet why do I still live?

Nathan.....Nathan......

Nathan?

Where were we when we missed our bus to our happy ending?

We must have been holding hands through the forest, laughing till we missed the bus's call.

We must have thought our lives were only about us. We were wrong. Yet who else fits in out universe?

I love you.

Nathan?

Nathan! Nathan!

Death has called me numerous times.

It has rung my door, broken my window, crept through my gates but I have always stopped its invite. I have always been strong to resist its beckoning call.

But time has run out.

It has been running out since the beginning of this world.

Death comes for me and I watch as it slinks to my side.

We stand together as we wait.

I know we are impatient.

But we would wait forever.

I am old.

I have been waiting forever.

KAJRBGUBGRUBRGUBRUBGURBGOBRG

"Can I get you anything else?" Lucas asks me.

I shake my head.

"Water? Food? Diamonds?" he asks hopefully.

I laugh forcefully. His face is pained.

"I'm fine" I reassure him. "I would like to get some sleep though" I hint.

He gets it and leaves the room. I throw the covers over my head and try to sleep.

The shrill phone wakes me.

I look around the dark room; Lucas must be downstairs. The phone keeps ringing. The sound scares me.

I pick it up.

"Hello?" I say in a timid voice.

How I have changed.

"Haley" he says.

And I know what will happen.

"Nathan."

"I'll kill him."

I sigh. He has changed too. I wonder where the anger comes from; he who is so good and sweet. Now he has become the darkness he has run from. The smiling loving man has gone. He is replaced by this bitter livid person.

"Don't."

"I can't not do it" he says fiercely. "I can't take this anymore. Knowing he is there with you, knowing that he caused your pain. I can't take knowing he's holding your hand when he's to blame!"

"Nathan" I plead.

"I want to kill him."

"I know" I say softly.

"You don't believe me?" he challenges.

My eyes are tearing up. "I believe you."

"I want you to leave the house today. When you come home, your husband will be dead" he promises.

"I don't want you to do it" I say quietly.

"You don't know what you want, Haley" he snarls.

"I want you to leave me alone" I whisper.

"No, you don't" he growls. "You love me. You love me!"

I am crying. "Yes" my voice barely audible. "Yes, I do."

"Leave by five, Haley. And then I will have our revenge. We can finally be together again."

"Yes, Nathan" I agree.

"I love you" and he hangs up.

I look at my clock. It is four o'clock.

I have an hour.

Nathan has gone insane. I know he has. I've seen it in his eyes. He has lost his mind. My ordeal has been the last straw for him. Knowing I was....I was raped has broken him. He means it when he says he will kill Lucas. He blames Lucas for everything.

And I don't blame Nathan.

I open the door and I hear Lucas talking on the phone downstairs. He is talking about me in his worrying tone. He loves me so much. He has suffered mentally and emotionally. He shouldn't suffer anymore.

I close the door and lock it.

I pick up my suitcase and stuff clothes in and everything I can get my hands on. I am leaving this house forever. I will not be back.

Lucas will not find out just yet what my plan is.

I change into a jeans and a shirt. I grab as much money as I can find. My passport, credit cards, identification cards. I am taking my life with me.

And yet I am leaving it behind.

I creep down the stairs, grabbing the suitcases.

The doorbell rings.

I freeze.

No! No! It's not time yet! It was barely half past four!!

"Lucas!" I yell. "Lucas! Don't!"

And there is a blast.

I run down the stairs as fast as I can. Lucas is standing against the wall, clutching his stomach as Nathan rushes through the front door, holding a gun.

Déjà vu.

We have been here before.

Only everything has changed.

My saviour has become my slayer.

"Haley" Nathan says grimly. "Get behind me."

I look at Lucas who is staring at me with scared confused eyes.

I look at Nathan who is scowling at Lucas.

"Haley" Nathan says firmly.

I look at both of them.

"Haley?" Nathan faces me confused too.

I love you. I love you.

Lucas is watching me as his head turns from me to Nathan. He is bleeding. He has been shot. He will die unless we leave right now.

"Haley?" Lucas asks confused.

"Haley!" Nathan growls, furious that Lucas is talking to me.

I take a deep breath. Every part of me is aching for Nathan's strong arms.

"I love you" I tell Nathan.

And then I walk in front of Lucas.

"No!" Nathan screams. "No! Haley! Get out of the way!"

But I don't.

I pull out my own gun. The gun I have been keeping the past few weeks ever since I found out about Nathan's obsession with Lucas.

Nathan's eyes widen; he thinks I am going to kill Lucas.

He even smiles.

I cock the gun.

Nathan is watching me gleefully.

But I don't aim it at Lucas; I point it at my own forehead.

"Get out of the way, Nathan" I tell him.

"Haley" Lucas whispers. I ignore him.

"Nathan" I say firmly. "Get out of the way or I'll shoot. I'll do it. I'll kill myself unless you move."

Nathan smirks. "You won't."

"I will."

"Why? For him?" he points at Lucas. "For the man who nearly had you murdered! For him!"

"Yes."

"Why?" he shouts.

"Because I love him" the gun is heavy in my hand. I worry I will drop it. "I will not live without him. If he dies, I die."

A look of pure torture flashes across Nathan's face. He looks like he will faint. I have broken him.

"Move, Nathan" I hiss.

He believes me. He knows I will pull the trigger.

And he loves me.

He lets us go.

I grab the suitcases, kicking them out the door. Lucas walks slowly in front of me. He is losing much blood but I fear that helping him might cause Nathan to fly back into his rage and kill him.

I turn around one last time to see Nathan lowering his gun. He is standing in my hallway, his shoulders slumped, his face pained beyond belief.

"You will never see me again, Nathan" I promise him. "You will never find us. And you will never try to look for us again. If you do, we will just keep running. I don't want anything to do with you anymore."

He looks up at me, his deep blue eyes filled with such emotion, I nearly change my mind.

"I love you, Hales."

And then I leave.

AOJGPEIJGIPEJRGIJEIG

I am driving again.

It seems like my days and nights all consists of those endless roads that seem to lead nowhere. Where are we going? Where can we run?

Where can we escape to?

I do not know.

Lucas is sleeping by my side. I worry about him. He has been bandaged and is healing well. The doctors have given me enough pain meds to knock him out. But he shouldn't be squeezed into the passenger seat of the car. He should be in bed.

I stare out at the road as I watch a couple walk hand in hand across the street. I nearly collide into them but they don't notice. They are so intertwined in each other. So in love. So young, naive.

And I think of Nathan as I often do.

I wonder if he has been following us.

I wonder if he's still alive.

It numbs me to know I will never find out.

I am lost in a memory where I am ten years old.

I am standing by a window. Nathan is gardening outside. He is so serious in his work, his handsome face scrunched up in concentration. I smile to myself as I watch him plough the ground.

I watch for a long time.

He finally looks up.

He catches my eye.

He smiles.

I smile back.

He picks up a flower and raises it to me.

And I pretend to take it.

I love you, Nathan.

Lucas is awake now.

He jumps up as I drive over a porthole. "Sorry" I mutter through gritted teeth.

"It's okay" he mumbles.

We are silent for a while. He is wondering where we are heading. I wonder the same thing.

"Haley?" he asks finally.

I look at him and the look of confusion and daze that has filled his eyes for the past few days has vanished. He looks more and more like the Lucas I love.

"We need to talk" he says firmly.

OIHFIHWIGHWGBIGWBIOBG

I am not afraid to die.

I am afraid to live.

What is there to hurt you when you feel nothing, when you are nothing?

What can break through your cold skin, your still heart when you are not even there?

Where do you go when you are not here?

I ask myself the same question a million times.

Where does he go when I am not here?

Do I want him here? Do I even want to be here?

It doesn't matter.

In mere minutes, I will mean nothing. I am nothing.

Death is still waiting, biding its time.

I am still waiting.

Not long more..... I know I don't have to wait long.

PRHJFIWHIWHRGRHGH

I talk, Lucas listens. I cry, Lucas nods. I rage, Lucas clenches his jaw. And then I am silent, and still he doesn't say anything.

I walk to the window and stare out. An empty car park in dim night greets me. What have we been reduced to? We are staying in a shabby motel. Nobody knows where we are. My cell phone has been switched off. Should I turn it on?

No.

Nathan knows my number.

Lucas still keeps silent.

I wonder if he is shocked. I have kept it a secret for so long, it no longer feels like a mystery to me. And yet I wonder.....

"Do you still love him?"

I hear his voice but somehow it doesn't feel like it's him that's saying those words.

It's like I am asking myself this same question.

Over and over again.

Until I feel like it's drumming into my brain, a steady pounding killing every part of me. I want to close my eyes, I want to sink into the abyss, I want to wake up.

"It's late."

"Haley."

"I don't want to answer that, Luke."

"But I already have my answer" he says slowly.

I look at him. "I guess you do."

He sighs. He runs his hand through his blond hair. I watch his muscles ripple and his jaw tighten. I take his hand. His touch is warm in mine. He holds me tight.

"I love you, Lucas."

He looks at the motel in front of us. I cringe as I take in the old paint, the stained walls, the creaking sounds echoed from rodents and the flickering lights.

"What now?" he asks me.

I run my eyes over his expensive shirt, ironed pants, leather shoes, staring at the stubble on his chin. We are sitting in our Mercedes and I am dressed just as suave as he is. I start to laugh.

"I knew it" he says dryly. "Marrying me has made you crazy. Though I did expect it to take faster than some thirty years."

That made me laugh harder. I was filled with hilarity and pretty soon, Lucas joined in. And we laughed and laughed until tears stream down our face.

And that's when I knew we'd be okay.

As long as we were together, we'd be okay.

And yet....and yet....

I didn't know if the tears were from my laughing or crying.

KUQOUHOUHGOHGUOHOHEO

I smile at my reflection.

It has been a year....One year and we have made a life here. I play the piano in a bar down the street from our townhouse and Lucas owns a couple of stores across the village. He has always been such an entrepreneur; even as we struggle from the bottom with our legs tied to poles threatening to pull us down, he has managed to build a business.

A small business but I have no doubt it will grow in time.

Like our happiness.

For we are happy now.

We have finally spoken to our children after months and months of silence. They were frantic with worry but our sporadic letters have stopped them from contacting....well anyone capable of helping to find us the slightest bit. The feds, cops, random people on the street.

We are going to meet them tonight. They are driving down to the village we live in. Lucas was sceptical about giving them our address. I told him he was being paranoid...after all, it's been a year....he couldn't still be watching us....

Lucas has not brought up the subject of Nathan all year. I have not brought him up. As far as I'm concerned, he is dead to me. No, he has never truly existed.

Which means I have never truly existed.

The doorbell rings. Lucas comes running into my room.

"They're here!" he exclaims, his handsome face all smiled and joy. "They're here!"

I laugh and link my arm through his. "Yes, they are."

My children have aged, I tell them. They laugh. And it's just like old times. Seeing them brings back the life I have left behind.

They don't ask us any questions. We don't volunteer anything. I cradle my grandchildren in my arms. I wonder if I will still see them age.

It is later, our rapid conversations and continuous hugging has subsided to a comfortable silence where all of us are lying around the room in various positions listening to old records. I am holding Lucas's hand. I don't want to let go.

The room is dark and quiet. I hear everyone's heavy breathing. No one is willing to break this brief interlude of peace.

I stand up slowly.

I don't know why but suddenly I must bring the plates to the sink and wash them. Suddenly I must leave the room.

Nobody says anything as I collect the plates. I cautiously carry them to the kitchen.

I am humming to myself but my heart is pounding like crazy.

I know why but I don't understand where my complete faith comes from.

I have no reason to believe in what I believe in but I do.

Faith is unreasonable.

Or maybe it is just I.

I am looking at the soapy sink filled to the tip with dirty plates when I know it is time.

I look up.

And I am right.

Through the glass window in front of me, through the mist that settles in the night air, through my weary eyes and still heart....I see him.

He is beautiful.

So beautiful.

Nathan.

He is wearing old faded jeans, a black button down shirt and a cap that covers his hair.

He is standing under a tree across the street, his hands in his pocket, his face tilted to stare at the bright moon up ahead. The moonlight baths his face in a glow and I suck in my breath at his loveliness.

And then he looks at me.

And I think I should go out and cross the road and I could be within touching distance of him. I think we could hold each other again, I think I could run away with him.

And then a car passes by and he disappears from view for a moment.

And when I look again, he is gone.

IYFYFYFYFYFIYFIFIBGHPIHJPHJPJPJ

A million miles away.

A dozen feet is like a million miles away.

I think of walking a dozen feet but my feet aches and the road taken is covered in broken glass that cuts my flesh and I bleed until I think I might die and people are screaming at me from the sides telling me I cannot make it and I think they are right.

And there is a small stream that crosses the road at a halfway interval and it is like a breath of fresh air to my dying lungs as the blood is washed in the water and I sigh in relief even though I know I must bleed once more.

Why?

Why do I bleed?

Nathan stands at the end of the broken road that hurts with every passing second and even staring at it makes my body cringe and my mind screams pleading with me to not walk anymore and just sit and rest because the stream holds everything I want it to hold and the stream is here for me and there would be no more suffering because the stream would never let me down.

Lucas is standing next to me and is holding my hand and he cups the water of the stream and soothes my bleeding feet and whispers how much he loves me over and over again.

And I think why go on, why not stay on this small paradise because walking forward would be so much harder and I don't know how much more pain I can take.

And I look at Lucas who is smiling lovingly at me.

And I think of how painful my journey would be because I would be leaving my beautiful stream that I would forget because soon all I would be able to think of is my bloody feet which turns to my beating heart but then I look up.

And Nathan is not there anymore.

In fact, he was never there.

And all that is left is Lucas and my stream that flows like an undying river.

And I think of the pain of the bloody road and the broken glass and I miss him.

Oh God, how I miss him.


	6. timeless

Hey for the people who read this story faithfully, it really means a lot to me and I know you feel cheated that it never got finished but I will try to do so in the future so please bear with me.

The reason I never really completed it was because I wrote and published a book called TIMELESS by Roobini Sittampalam.

If you liked my writing style, please buy a copy from Amazon or your local book store and let me know what you think.

I can be reached through here. And will personally reply all your reviews, questions…etc.

Thanks again.


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